Unoriginal, plagiarised (okay, they both mean the same) lacking in creativity and formulaic! What has Bollywood not been accused of! While we have indeed shamelessly lifted entire scenes off Hollywood movies, we bet them Americans and Britishers can’t shake a leg, sing songs, fight and romance like us either! I mean really, would George Clooney dance with Julia Roberts on a pahaadi? Or Brad open his arms a la SRK and call out to Angie saying, “Pass aao, gale se laga lo”? Let’s not even get started on Daniel Radcliffe wooing Emma Watson with Tujhe Dekha Toh Yeh Jaana Sanam! Nah! They just can’t do it.
But wait a minute, what if they did? What if Hollywood ran out of ideas and decided to seek inspiration from its Eastern cousin for some movies? Yeah, I know, you are cracking up already. Well, here’s our lowdown on this (im?)possibility. Yes, the possibilities are infinite and infinitely hilarious too. So, we have decided to crack down on 5 Bollywood films that Hollywood needs to starting rolling in on pronto!
1. SOMETHING SOMETHING HAPPENS (KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI)
“Something something happens Angie(li), you won’t understand..” Imagine Brad Pitt telling this to Angelina in a remake of KJo’s superhit debut! Who’d be Tina? Ah, let’s get Jennifer Aniston or Marion Cottilard. SRK lost Rani Mukherjee and then went for Kajol to realize true love. Brad has already lost Jennifer, after which we thought he realized true love with Angelina. But wait, a certain Marion Cottilard is also waiting. So, the makers can decide which threesome to include. But, a remake of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai would be amazing to watch in Hollywood, with all its happening colleges, campus romances, basketball matches and summer camps in the countryside. What say?
2. IN YOUR NAME (TERE NAAM)
If you ask me the movie that truly heralded Bhai-dom, it’d have to be this one. Salman had done rather mundane roles till then, and then came the hairstyle with a parting in the middle, the leather jacket and the Bhai mannerisms. Fresh faced Bhumika Chawla and rowdy Salman made for the perfect unconventional pair in this doomed love story. So if Hollywood were to lap up Tere Naam, how about pairing Hugh Jackman and Reese Witherspoon? Perfect contrast, right? Hugh Jackman has already proved his mettle as the angry, fierce guy. Add in a dash of attitude and we have our angrezi Radhe bhaiya. And fresh faced and Reese Witherspoon go in the same breath. So, there you have it. And Jackman with that hairstyle would probably supersede his Logan/Wolverine hairdo!
3. MONKEY BUSINESS (HERA PHERI)
Hey, don’t widen your eyes at the translation. That’s what Google has told me is the meaning of hera pheri in English. Raju, Shyam and Babu Bhaiya have entertained and created what is undoubtedly one of the best comedy films of Bollywood. Empathetic and yet entertaining, Hera Pheri was a groundbreaking film when it released and the sequel didn’t disappoint either. So, for our Hollywood counterparts, landing it would quite a task unless they get that cast right. What if we had Jim Carrey as Raju, Chris Tucker as Shyam and Kevin Spacey/Robert De Niro as Babu Bhaiya? Well, it’d be hilarious to see them crack a con job! And there’d be some major monkey business happening at the box office with this one!
4. THE HEART DESIRES (DIL CHAHTA HAI)
You remember Farhan bringing in ‘cool’ to Bollywood with this one, right? The buddy flick which made guy friends love their guy friends even more is a hot favorite to be remade in Hollywood. In fact, we think, of the movies mentioned so far, this will be the easiest to blend in Hollywood, considering the urban setting and modern look of Dil Chahta Hai. It seems fresh even now. And straightaway, I’d say Ashton Kutcher, Topher Grace and Danny Masterson, who featured in That 70s Show, would be the prefect trio for the movie. Their easy chemistry and the comic timing between each other is so similar to Aakash, Sameer and Siddharth. They could bring in the emotional quotient too, provided some rehearsals. And Mila Kunis and Laura Prepon could play Preity Zinta and Sonali Kulkarni! Mrs. Foreman could be Dimple Kapadia too!
5. BLACK (BLACK)
Want to see what happens when cine stalwarts come together? See Black! Amitabh Bachchan, Rani Mukherjee and the direction of Sanjay Leela Bhansali. Very few films can claim to have the kind of power, emotion and story that Black has. The level of performances, the background score and the uplifting story makes Black a Bollywood masterpiece. Casting? I can only think of Morgan Freeman as a substitute to the Big B in Hollywood. And how about Natalie Portman or Kerry Washingtonto play Rani’s role?
So that’s our breakdown for now. Which films do you think can be added to the list? Let us know in the Comments section. There are a zillion possibilities!