I know, I know. What am I doing writing depressing and sad articles. Well, let me tell y’all one thing: life isn’t all chocolates and rainbows and happiness, sometimes, you needs to dabbles into the darkness of life to come out stronger and much more open-minded on the other side. Like Loki’s adventure through God-knows-where in between the time of the first Thor and the first Avengers. He went in a naive prince. He came out ready to take over Earth (Idk how much of that was planned out properly, but evidently, it wasn’t).
So yes, with that horrible metaphor explaining my reasons for writing this article somewhat, let me start.
This here is an article about the depressing stories surrounding some of our favourite movies and how it just ruins it all for all of us.
WARNING: This is some sad stuff, so if you don’t like it, don’t read it (please read it, you’ll still enjoy it, I hope).
1. Baby Superman died sniffing glue
Not the baby. Babies don’t sniff glue and if they do, what kind of parents are they? But no, this isn’t like that. The little baby Superman in the original Superman that Marlon Brandon packs in a little shining baby-cot thing and sends to earth was found 14 years later, in Eastbourne, dead after huffing a bag of solvents. And yeah, there’s a also a curse surrounding the Superman role, and it’s been proven time and again, just like in this situation.
2. Free Willy died because he was released too early into the wild
Free Willy was a movie we all liked and loved as kids. But many fans were disappointed annoyed that the real Willy wasn’t free and demanded that he be released into the wild. So Keiko the Orca, the amazing Free Willy, was forced out into the wild before he was even ready (activist, calm your shit guys, this is what happens when you get too passionate). Harried by said fans, he was pushed off to Norway in 2003 where his bent fin went under the water for one final time.
3. ET was played by a boy born with no legs
Yeah no, let that sink in.
“It was really hot in there,” reminisced actor Matthew DeMeritt, the little boy that was loved-by-all alien (after Jadu for Indians, of course) who was shoehorned into a tight wrinkly rubber suit for shits and giggles in 1982. Now, he wasn’t in the suit 24/7, that would be barbaric. Most of the time, ET would be controlled by animatronics and muppetry. But Steven Spielberg needed an inebriated ET for the beer scene. Hence, Matthew was called to be the disabled child in a tight wrinkly rubber suit. Yeah, let that sink in too.
4. C-3PO and R2-D2 hate each other
They bicker a lot, right? And they share a beautiful droid bromance with each other, right? There’s something special, right? Wrong. They couldn’t stand to be in the same room in real life. “He might as well be a bucket,” said Anthony Daniels, co-star of Kenny Baker. “He looks down his nose at me like I’m a piece of shit,” the late Baker spat back and he refused to go to any reunion if “golden balls” turned up. I don’t know how “golden balls” is an insulting nickname, but okay.
5. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is an Advertisement
Ever thought about this one? I have. Entire paid for by the Quaker Oats company to promote cheap processed snacks, Gene Wilder‘s most lovable and amazing movie is actually one of the most expensive ad campaigns ever. But that’s still not as bad as Superman II, which was completely funded by Marlboro cigarettes – which turned the reporter Lois Lane’s character into a chain/stress smoker. Capitalism -shakes fist-
6. Pee-Wee Herman is all up in that “Vintage Erotica”
As an English Literature student, I’m well aware of what vintage erotica is and it’s not like modern-day porn. Really, it’s nothing similar. You could say, in one way, that porn today is much more cleaner and nicer than any vintage erotica out there. Now you get my point?
But do you remember Paul “Pee-Wee” Reubens, the very bright man-child who starred in one of Tim Burton’s least known children’s movie? If you don’t, you must definitely remember him from an early 2000 sex scandal that saw him prosecuted for owning vintage erotica. Don’t ask me why I type vintage erotica in Italics. I just do.
7. Roger Rabbit cause Bob Hoskins to hallucinate about weasels
Who Framed Roger Rabbit was a difficult film. It was so because the actors were tasked with acting against a green screen most of the time and Bob Hoskins didn’t fare well in term of his sanity staying intact. After months of talking to invisible ‘toons, Bob Hoskins really lost it. He started hearing voices and swore he saw weasels popping out from the hats of old ladies.
8. Gandalf disliked the Hobbit so much, he f**king cried
Four films of the series and Ian McKellan was already reevaluating his life choices while he was filming The Hobbit and pulled something of a “Bob Hoskins” on the set. With a green screen in the background and 13 cardboard cutouts of the dwarves surrounding him, the veteran actor broke down into tears and shouted, “This is not why I became an actor!”
We all have that moment, don’t we?
9. Sean Astin’s mum threw out the Goonies’ treasure map into the bin
The Goonies went through a right rager, going on water slides and booby traps and whole lot of screaming to find One-Eyed Willy’s treasure map. Chief Goonie Sean Astin was allowed to take the prop home with him after filming was done – but sadly, his mum threw the map away because she mistook it for a scrap of paper. What a shame.